Father’s Day

This past Father’s Day sparked a lot of thoughts in my head. For me, every Father’s Day brings a lot of mixed emotions. My biological dad abused me, he is in prison, and just frankly, he was a really bad father. I also have many friends and family who have difficult relationships with their dads and bad experiences or trauma associated with them. But on the other hand, my brothers are all awesome dads now, there are so many wonderful fathers in my church family, and of course, I have the most amazing Father in Heaven.

I know that Father’s Day can be a really hard day for many people, for a lot of reasons. So, I hope that I can relate to you in this post and help you to know that you are not alone.

I always think of my dad first on Father’s Day. I think of the ways he tried to be a good dad, of everything he put me through, of the fact that I won’t see him on this day, he won’t be celebrated on this day, and I think of where he is and what he must be thinking.

I remember him playing his guitar and singing songs in our kitchen. I remember his corny jokes and silly smile. I remember him helping me when I first started reading my Bible. I remember how much he loved to write and how proud he was when I wanted to be a writer.

I remember the first time he abused me. I remember all of the secrecy and shame and threats. I remember his apologies followed by more abuse. I remember many empty promises from him. I remember him pleading not guilty when I pressed charges and dragging out the process for over a year. I remember him trying to get off easy and attempting to plead to lesser charges.

I remember the day I told someone for the first time that my dad abused me. I remember my dad being kicked out of our house. I remember the pressure from him for me to reconcile our relationship because he “missed me.” I remember missing him. I remember when I stopped missing him. I remember when I never wanted to see him again.

I remember the fact that I haven’t had to fake celebrate my father for the past 6 Father’s Days. I remember when I used to write him cards on Father’s Day telling him he was the best dad ever. I remember feeling obligated to celebrate that he was my dad.

I remember that he is in a prison cell. He is far away from his entire family. No one is going to be celebrating that he is a father.

I remember that he must feel so broken and so sad on this day. I wonder what he is thinking? Does he regret his choices and all of the pain he caused me and many others? Does he feel ashamed of the horrible things he did? Or does he feel bitter that he isn’t being celebrated? Does he think he is suffering unjustly?

These are all the thoughts that roll around in my head leading up to Father’s Day. Then I walk into church. It seems like there is always someone in my family who is really broken on this day. Most of the time it is me, sometimes it’s my mom, other times it’s a sibling. This time it was a sibling.

When I saw my sibling they were already crying. They felt broken and convicted. They were brokenhearted over the fact that they felt bitter toward my dad and they were angry. They felt broken over the fact that they never wanted to see him and convicted that they didn’t want to pray for him.

I didn’t really feel those things if I am being honest with you. I felt numb. I felt like I didn’t really know how to feel.

During our service at church, all the dads stood up and served the bread and juice to the congregation for communion. I felt a little teary being served by my brother. He passed me the bread and said, “This is Jesus’ body, that was broken for you.” He gave me the cup and said, “This is Jesus’ blood, that was poured out for you.”

Our pastor looked at the congregation afterward and told them if their biological dad was able to serve them today, they are truly blessed. He was right. It was both a beautiful and a surreal moment to have my brother, who is less than two years older than me, step in and serve me in the place of my father. This was honestly a really big blessing and a sweet moment, but it was hard at the same time.

Me and Dillon, my husband, were able to get lunch with his family and celebrate his dad. We went around the table sharing things we appreciated about him. Again, it was a very sweet moment but was bittersweet for me. All the things I shared that I was thankful for about him were things that my dad is not.

When we got home, I broke down and hugged Dillon. I told him I was thankful he has a great dad, but it is hard that I don’t.

All day, I was thankful for my brothers, for the fathers in my church, and for Dillon’s dad. All day I hoped these dads felt loved and celebrated. But that doesn’t change the fact that it was still a difficult day for me and the feelings I have about my dad can be really painful.

Although I don’t have an earthly father worthy of celebrating, I do have a Heavenly one that deserves to be celebrated every day! God has been my good Father since I was 6 years old. He has been with me through everything and has loved me purely and unconditionally. He is faithful and kind and true to His promises. That is the hope I cling to every Father’s Day.

Not only am I so thankful for God, but I am thankful for what He has delivered me from. I am thankful I don’t have to see my dad anymore. I am thankful my dad is in prison and can’t hurt anyone else. I am thankful I don’t feel an obligation to celebrate him anymore. I am thankful I don’t have to hide my pain anymore. I am thankful for all the healing that God has brought in my life. I am thankful that my story matters and that God can use it to impact other people’s lives and help them navigate their stories.

I think of Joseph from the Bible and everything he endured in his life. He was thrown into a pit and then sold into slavery by his own brothers, he was falsely accused of abusing a woman who was trying to seduce him, he was wrongly imprisoned, he was forgotten, he was separated from everything and everyone he once knew and loved…BUT, God was with him through it all and used Joseph and all of the pain he endured to deliver an entire nation and surrounding nations from death and famine.

Later in Joseph’s life when his circumstances had changed, his brothers were starving because of the famine in their land and went to seek food from Egypt. By this time, Joseph was the second highest in command in Egypt, just under Pharaoh. Not knowing who he was, Joseph’s brothers went to him for food. Instead of punishing them and trying to seek revenge, Joseph had mercy on them. He recognized that everything that he had been through had a purpose. He gave them plenty of food and provided land for their entire family to live and thrive.

Genesis 50:20 says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

This was Joseph speaking to those same brothers who had almost left him for dead, but then instead sold him into slavery. Imagine the freedom he felt in releasing his bitterness and choosing instead to recognize the goodness of God’s character and the amazing work God had done because of everything he had been through.

(If you want to read Joseph’s story in the Bible, read Genesis chapters 37 to 50).

That’s how I feel in my life, and I know that God has much more in store for me. I’m not saying I have been through the same things as Joseph or that I will be saving nations from famine any time soon, but I know that all the hard things that I have gone through in my life are meant “for good” and “the saving of many lives.”

Maybe not literal, physical lives will be saved through my story, but I know that God has good things in store that give my life meaning. Maybe my story will make people feel less alone, or realize they can experience healing, or that there is hope even after so much darkness, or that it is possible to love God and trust Him even after experiencing such hard things.

Maybe your story is meant for good and for the purpose of saving lives. Even if you have the most painful, horrible life story, I believe that God can bring healing to you and make beauty out of the ashes. I believe that God can use what you’ve been through to help others have the kind of hope that you longed for as a child.

Whatever you have been through, it doesn’t have to be in vain. It doesn’t have to be pointless. That doesn’t mean you have to celebrate the trauma and difficulty you have experienced, but it does mean that God can use those things to bring hope and healing to others. There is a purpose in everything you have been through. I pray that someday you get to see what Joseph got to see. That you have the realization that your pain wasn’t for no reason and that your life has a purpose.

So yeah, Father’s Day is a hard day for me. I’m sure you can relate to that, whether it is Father’s Day specifically or some other date that always brings up something hard for you. It’s okay to have hard days, to feel sad, to remember painful things. But you don’t have to stay there. There is hope!

There is a Father in Heaven who loves you. He loves you so much that He sent His own Son to live a perfect, sinless life on earth, die on the cross for sins we committed, and raise to life—defeating death and sin. He did this so that we can be reconciled to Him. So that we can be forgiven and cleansed from our sins and approach God with confidence and peace.

That is the Gospel, the “Good News.” The reason it’s called good news is because it is the best news anyone can ever share with you. If you don’t really understand the Gospel or you have questions about God, I can guarantee there are people in your life that would love to talk to you about it. If you have a Christian friend, ask them your questions! If you don’t, go to my Contact page and send me a message! God is always available to you as well, if you are searching for Him, He can be found. Call out to Him, seek Him, and He will answer. Thanks for showing up,

-Elena ❤