A Broken Girl, a Patient Boy, and a Good God

A few months ago, I shared the story of how Dillon and I began a friendship and how we started dating a year later. God was so kind and so present during that season of life, and He remained that way once Dillon and I started dating.

I thought it was fitting to go back down this road of sharing my love story because Dillon and I’s 2^nd anniversary is on August 2^nd (two days away)! As part of the celebration of the fact that God saw fit to bring us together, I am reflecting on my story with Dillon and the sweet memories.

If you would like to go read the first part of our story before continuing this blog post, click this link to go check it out: https://rejoicing-in-truth.com/2022/03/27/waiting-singleness-and-an-oblivious-boy/

The things I would like to share in this post are a few stories about the hardship of dating after abuse, some of the really sweet memories of dating, how God was so good in our relationship, encouragement for people scared of dating/marriage, and a tribute to Dillon.

The place I left off on the last blog about this was at the point where we “officially” started dating. The day after it was official, we sat at Loch Norse at NKU and hashed out some expectations and boundaries, and we basically laid everything out on the table at the beginning of our relationship.

Dillon knew my past with sexual abuse, he knew my dad was not around and that relationship was very complicated, he knew I struggled with PTSD from the trauma—Dillon knew many things about me. We were close friends before dating and I didn’t shy away from those deep details of my life.

I think I reminded him again in that conversation that I had a lot of baggage. I said something to the effect of, “If you don’t think you can handle all my baggage I understand, and now’s the time to say so.” I know, that is a sad thing to say, but I meant it with all sincerity. I had my insecurities about being “too much” and just having too much baggage, and I honestly would have understood if he said, “Okay, bye.” But the response I got instead was, “I think I can handle it,” with a gentle smile. At that moment when Dillon didn’t even flinch, I had a feeling this was going to last.

Since I had shared most of my past with him at this point, Dillon shared more of his past with me. He had one girlfriend previously and he shared more of that story. We both allowed each other to ask questions and we both gave honest answers. We talked about our convictions for staying pure in our dating relationship and how we could have good boundaries.

During that conversation, I asked if we could hold hands, and Dillon said, “Okay,” with a shrug. If you know me well, or if you have ever had to hold my hand during prayer (LOL!), you know my hands tend to be a little sweaty… well, this is only exacerbated by nerves. I think I warned Dillon before he held my hand, and he laughed, though I don’t think he cared much. I felt butterflies in my stomach that night and was just so giddy! Just this week, I brought up this memory at Loch Norse and without prompting he said, “With your sweaty hands.” Lol! I share these details because I think they’re funny and because it shows how nervous I was, but also how kind and understanding Dillon has always been 🙂

That night was one of the best nights of my life. It was the first time Dillon and I talked about our future together and made goals and plans as a couple, which is now one of my favorite things to do with him! ❤ It made me so excited to be on the same page as each other and to think about what was in store for us.

I’ll be honest, I don’t remember a ton of details about the first week of our dating. But I do remember that week was the first time I was faced with being vulnerable with a guy and communicating well in a deeper relationship. I don’t remember the specifics, but I remember I was having a really hard time with some trauma stuff and I was shutting down.

Dillon and I ate lunch together like we did most days, and I sat there with tears falling down my face while I stared at my water bottle. He asked me what was wrong, but I felt like I couldn’t tell him. I told him I was sad but trying to tell him why felt so scary. Now that we were dating, the pressure of intimacy and openness was so intimidating to me. That night, we met up and I shared why I was sad. I remember struggling so hard to let him see me cry. I fought back the tears and hid my face, I hated to let him see me so vulnerable. But I fought through it and Dillon was so patient with me. He let me take my time and never put pressure on me.

That night was the first of many, MANY times where I cried in front of Dillon, and he listened to me and comforted me. Slowly but surely, I started building more and more trust with him and learning how to open up and be a good communicator. It definitely took time and loads of grace from Dillon and from God, but I started growing.

It’s funny too because now I look back on all those hard conversations and they are just so sweet. The closeness that brought in my and Dillon’s relationship was really special. To this day, I still hate letting anyone see me cry, including Dillon, but it has gotten a lot easier, and it always provides an opportunity for Dillon to love me and comfort me so well.

I remember another time later into our dating relationship when we were with some other people and Dillon put his hand on my thigh, and I was immediately so triggered. I started feeling panicky and felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I shut down and couldn’t speak. Dillon noticed quickly and moved.

A little later, he and I had time alone and without me even explaining anything, he just hugged me and told me I was safe. I fell apart a bit because I was so frustrated with my PTSD response to something so small and I was so overwhelmed by how kind and caring Dillon was. He had no idea that I would be triggered by that, nor did I. But once he saw my response, he took care of me so well. When I finally regained my composure, I told him what happened and why it triggered me. He was so understanding and gentle with me. He respected my sensitivities and needs so well.

In these ways, God helped me to grow so much in our dating relationship. I was in a safe space to learn how to be vulnerable with someone and to learn how to overcome my triggers with them.

God was so good to me to provide a man who was just naturally good at loving someone with my past. Dillon had no reason to really know how to approach comforting someone with a past of sexual abuse, but God gifted him with learning seamlessly.

God was also so good to teach me how to communicate in a way I never had known before. Being open when I was hurting and being able to explain why was a skill I had to learn, but God helped me to do it. God also gave me the strength and courage to be open and to be vulnerable when those were the last things I would have naturally done.

Honestly, a few months into dating Dillon I was just absolutely in love with him. I knew I wanted to marry him. Dillon was a little less reckless and a little slower to the punch, which is fitting, but we talked about marriage after a year of dating, and we knew that was what we wanted.

The joy of getting to know someone and allowing them to know you is so great. The adventure of figuring out each other’s personalities, quirks, pet peeves, and greatest passions is so fun. I remember the transition of Dillon being an acquaintance, to a friend, to a close friend, and then after dating becoming my best friend.

Having the same goals and beliefs was such a blast in our dating relationship. Being involved in ministry at the BCM throughout college, serving at our church, reading God’s Word together, worshipping side by side—all these things were the most special part of dating.

Then, after dating for a while, having those conversations of marriage, the day Dillon proposed, planning our wedding and our future, then getting married—those memories are so precious. And now I can’t imagine my life without Dillon.

So, here are a few encouragements to those people who are so scared of dating and being in an intimate relationship. For one thing, I’d like to tell you that you are not alone. Many people have fears about this for numerous reasons. To be honest, it is scary, and it does take work. But God is so gracious and kind in helping us and strengthening us when we are struggling—including in relationships.

I would encourage you to invite your trusted friends and family members into your dating relationship. If the people who love you get a bad feeling about someone you are dating, that is usually a red flag. If you are including those loved ones, the person you end up with should be someone who loves you well and whom you are safe with.

If you think there is no one out there who is good, that everyone is not safe or trustworthy or kind—that is not true. There are people out there that will treat you well and you will be safe with them. There are men who will protect you, respect you, and take care of you. I know that is hard to believe, but it is true. No one is perfect, but abusive behavior, disrespect, and apathy are not traits that your future partner will have, God willing.

If you do date or get married, you will grow and change and be challenged in ways you never have and that will make you a better and stronger person. And when you find your person, it will be the most special relationship you can have. It will be worth it. Not everyone is meant to date or marry, but if the only thing stopping you is fear don’t let it!

Now, some words to my husband.

Dillon,

Honestly, I can’t believe we have been married for two years. It feels like forever and the blink of an eye at the same time. All I can say is that I am so thankful for you and so amazed by the blessings God has revealed to me in our marriage so far.

I could have never imagined the kindness, gentleness, and patience of the man I would get to marry. I couldn’t have imagined the faithfulness, steadiness, and love that I would get to see every day from you. You have honestly blown my mind in our relationship, showing me that a man can love and respect a woman, that he can serve her and care for her selflessly with no hidden motives.

I couldn’t have imagined feeling seen and cherished and beautiful the way you make me feel. I couldn’t have imagined being held and comforted the way you have for me. I couldn’t have pictured all of the laughing and silliness we would take part in together. I couldn’t have expected to have the most fun and exciting little adventures so often.

I couldn’t have known all of the extremely difficult things we would walk through in just two years of marriage. I couldn’t have predicted the ways we would have grown closer in our relationship and closer to God through all of the hardship.

I have been so extremely grateful for the goodness and intimacy and rawness, the love and service and compassion, and for the teamwork and dreams and excitement…. By all the aspects of marriage that no one can really explain to you, you just have to experience them yourself.

I can’t express how much I love you, husband, and I can’t describe how thankful I am to be married to you. God has been so good to me, so good to us. If this is what two years looked like, I can’t wait to see what our future holds!

I can only imagine the goodness, sweetness, and yes difficulty of what is ahead. With your hand in mine and our eyes on God—I cannot wait to see what awaits. I love you so much Dillon❤️ happy anniversary! Let’s keep killin’ it.

Thanks for showing up,

-Elena ❤