Waiting, Singleness, and an Oblivious Boy

There have been several times in my life when I was in a season of waiting; times when God asked me to trust Him and to be content with not having whatever it may have been that I desired. God has shown me how to have patience through those times of waiting, though I still have a lot to learn. Whenever God has asked me to wait, it was always for a purpose, and He always had a plan. Even so, waiting is always a challenge, especially when we can’t see the bigger picture.

One of the most prominent times I remember having to wait was when I was a sophomore in college and I had just met Dillon, who I am married to now. My story with Dillon is certainly one about waiting, learning patience, and trusting God.

I went to Northern Kentucky University (NKU), and I was very involved in the Baptist Campus Ministry (BCM). Dillon got involved in the BCM as soon as he started going to NKU and that is where he and I met.

I started having an interest in Dillon very soon after meeting him. I thought he was really cute, he seemed super nice and funny, and I knew he loved the Lord. The more I got to know Dillon, the more I realized how many things we had in common and how so many of our interests were the same.

We saw each other just about every day on campus and at the BCM and we became friends. I knew I liked Dillon after just a couple months of knowing him, but I remember the night it became so much bigger for me.

Dillon and I were hanging out with some friends in the BCM, and we all decided to go around and share our testimonies of how we came to know Jesus. I got to learn more about Dillon and hear him talking about God and deciding to follow Him, and my heart just melted.

I remember Dillon sharing a story about his parents when they were faced with a big and unexpected decision. Dillon and his dad, Larry, went on a mission trip to Honduras and worked with an orphanage there. While they were there, God told Larry that one of the girls in the orphanage was supposed to be his daughter. Larry and his wife, Heather, hadn’t really had adoption on their radar, then God put it on Larry’s heart unexpectedly. He called Heather and she just said she trusted him, and he should do whatever God was asking him to do.

After sharing that part, Dillon said, “When my mom responded that way, it just showed me the kind of woman I want to be my wife one day.” When he said that, it was over for me! In my mind, he might as well have knelt down and proposed, because he was the type of man I wanted to be my husband: a man whose number one desire in a wife was that she trusted and followed the Lord always.

When Dillon shared his testimony, I got to hear his heart for Jesus, how he turned from sin, how he was obedient to God, the kind of family he had, and the kind of family he wanted to build one day—and from there I stopped fighting the feelings I had for him. I knew that I really liked him and so I started praying really intentionally about it every day.

After that night, I told a couple of my close friends who hung out with me and Dillon a lot that I liked someone, even though I was scared to tell them who it was. They told me that they knew who I was talking about without me having to say it, which makes sense because I was crazy about him and it was pretty obvious.

I also told my family about Dillon, and my brothers were super excited because they went to the BCM with Dillon and thought he was awesome. I always say Dillon and my brothers fell in love first.

From there I was super intentional about getting to know Dillon a lot better and sharing a lot about myself with him. I decided that if Dillon was ever going to date me, I wanted him to know me genuinely. He knew my baggage, he knew my flaws, he saw my weird and crazy personality—I was determined to be transparent. The last thing I wanted was to start dating him and then have him change his mind after getting to know the real me.

The other thing that I knew was that I didn’t want to pursue him, I wanted him to pursue me. If I were to do all this work pursuing him and we started dating, I always would have wondered if he would have liked me enough to pursue me himself. So, instead of doing what I would have liked to do; which would have been trying to control the situation, telling him about my feelings, and making this thing happen—I waited. That was something God put on my heart from the very start. I knew that I was supposed to be patient and trust that if I was supposed to be with Dillon God would make it happen. But it was so hard to sit back and wait.

Dillon and I got to spend tons of time together in groups and doing ministry with the BCM. My feelings became stronger and stronger and my desire to start dating Dillon was at the forefront of my mind. Unfortunately, that was probably the last thing on Dillon’s mind…

I remember getting so frustrated by my second semester of sophomore year because Dillon was so oblivious to the fact that I had feelings for him. We were together all the time and were close friends, but it was just not on his radar. I would get so impatient sometimes and think about telling him how I felt, but I always felt like God told me to slow down and let Dillon catch up.

I had so many nights of praying earnestly about if Dillon and I were supposed to date, asking God to either take away the feelings or make them stronger, and to give me peace about it if it was right and take the peace away if it wasn’t. The feelings kept getting stronger and the peace stayed, so I figured it was right, even though I still wasn’t sure if or when we would date.

That season of waiting and singleness was so, so hard—and yet, that was one of the sweetest times in my life. I remember growing closer to God than ever before. He broke me down to a point of knowing that He alone was enough, regardless if I would ever date Dillon or not, I always had God and He showed me that should be enough for me. I had an intimacy with God that was so strong and looking back I know that was part of the reason God asked me to wait.

Even though I wanted to date Dillon ASAP, God knew I needed to wait. That time in my life was the most chaotic time I can remember. Going into my sophomore year, it was August 2017, less than a month after telling my family that my dad abused me. Dillon and I met that August and if God had allowed me to start dating him around that time, there is no way I would have been ready.

My whole heart was exposed and vulnerable at that time, my whole life was upside down, and my PTSD was at an all-time high. Imagine dating someone for the first time right when all of that is happening! I was so overwhelmed with all of the things going on at that time. I am so glad that God put the brakes on any type of romantic relationship happening right then and there.

Even though I knew my life was crazy and it was a lot to deal with, I just wanted to date Dillon so bad! I saw all of my older siblings in their relationships, either married or dating, and I wanted that too. I had a hard time being single when I was always around couples. I felt lonely at times, even with my big family and all of my friends. I could easily rehearse the truth that God was enough and He had a purpose for me in my singleness, but truly accepting that and practicing it was another story.

Every day my feelings for Dillon got stronger, and he and I became closer. I wanted to avoid seeing him because I didn’t want to like him anymore, but I liked him too much to not see him… it was quite a dilemma for me, and in the end, I just gave in to the feelings. By the end of my sophomore year, Dillon was one of my best friends and everyone in the BCM knew that I liked him—BESIDES DILLON. That boy was more oblivious than anyone I have ever met!

That summer, Dillon went back home to Ashland, Kentucky and I only got to see him a few times. We texted every day that summer, and Dillon was not the type to text. I knew that he had to have some feelings for me because there was just no way he would be texting me that much if not. So, I was feeling good. Every day I continued to pray about the possibility of dating Dillon and I kept growing in closeness to God.

One of the times I saw Dillon that summer was when he had a few friends over to his home in Ashland. I just got my license a couple months before this and I had barely driven, especially not long distances. I knew Ashland was a 2 and ½ hour drive, but I was determined. My mom didn’t want me to go, but I put up a fight and convinced her to let me.

The closer the trip got, the more people dropped out. By the time we were supposed to go, there were just 2 other friends that went. I made sure that this trip was still on because it was super important to me that I would be able to see Dillon and also get to see his hometown and his family. When I got to Dillon’s house, I went inside and met his siblings and his parents. I could tell that they all knew I liked him just by looking at me, but I didn’t mind. His whole family was so nice and that just got me even more sold on the idea of dating him.

Before I left, Dillon’s mom and I talked for probably an hour or two. She was so easy to talk to and I got along with her so well. She tried to convince me to go have Sunday dinner with their family and the grandparents, but I resisted. When I was leaving, she had Dillon walk me to my car. She was quite the wing-woman!

When I said goodbye, Dillon and I hugged. That was one of the first times we hugged. Dillon was not the physically affectionate type, so I always tried to respect that and when I hugged everyone else in our friend group, I didn’t hug Dillon. That was my way of showing him that I respected him and cared about him being comfortable around me. So, when he hugged me after the Ashland visit, it meant a lot to me.

When we came back to school that fall, the dynamic between me and Dillon changed a lot. It was obvious that we both had feelings for each other, and we really loved spending time together. But it didn’t really seem like Dillon had any intentions of asking me out or telling me he had feelings. I continued to pray through that relationship and had to keep working through my frustrations and impatience.

In September, the BCM went on a trip called Converge. It was a weekend where BCMs from different Kentucky college campuses came together and had a lot of fun and a lot of time with Jesus together. Converge was where personal growth in your faith would happen and where personal relationships within your community would strengthen. I usually got a word from God on those trips and came back feeling refreshed with new clarity.

On that particular Converge, God basically told me to chill out. I felt like God was saying to slow down, stop waiting for Dillon to ask me out, and just focus on Him. It was another moment where God pressed on my heart and asked, “If all you had was me, would it be enough?” That question kind of broke me down and made me realize that I needed to surrender my desires to God and just enjoy everything else He was doing in my life.

Coming back from Converge I felt really encouraged and full of peace. I felt blessed to be single and to be in the stage of life I was in. I knew how strong my feelings were for Dillon, but I also knew that my relationship with God was all I needed. I didn’t know if this word meant that I would never date Dillon, if maybe it would be another year before we dated, or if God just wanted me to be more aware of my own heart.

What I didn’t know is that Dillon also got a word from God that weekend. In Dillon’s own words, God told him to, “Man up and ask her out!” I always think it is hilarious that God had to check each of our hearts in such different ways.

For me, it was all about learning to put God first and love Him with my whole heart. I had to surrender my own desire to have other things and jump into a relationship and just trust that God was sufficient. For Dillon, it was about letting go of the fear of being in a relationship and possibly getting hurt. Dillon wanted to be single and didn’t want anything else, but God wanted to give him something and wanted Dillon to step forward in obedience and faith.

That following week after Converge was quite a whirlwind of emotions and chaos. My brother Josh told me that Dillon was about to ask my mom for permission to date me, and then the panic set in. I was so confused because just a few days ago God had told me to chill out and challenged me to believe that He alone was enough—and suddenly Dillon was eager to start dating me? I was like, oh my gosh…I’ve been waiting to date this boy for a year and he’s going to ask me out and I am going to have to say no!

That week I prayed through so many things, talked through so many things, and felt like I had an answer. Basically, God was preparing my heart before I went into this relationship and helping me to solidify my satisfaction with Him above anything else. God gave me the green light for this relationship on one condition: that I wouldn’t ever let it become an idol and that God would come first in my life. So, I committed to putting God first and I was ready to see what happened.

Dillon and I had a conversation a couple days later where he FINALLY told me he had feelings for me and wanted to date me. I walked away from that conversation feeling like it was the best day ever! I couldn’t stop smiling and I just felt so excited about what was in store from there. That weekend, Dillon asked my mom if he could date me, and we officially started dating.

It honestly didn’t even feel real at first. I had waited so long to date this guy and I wasn’t sure if it was ever going to happen. The day after we started dating, we had a long conversation about all of our boundaries, expectations, and our possible baggage from the past. I could tell from that conversation that this relationship was going to be really special.

I was so thankful that I had been so prayerful through the entire process and that I listened to God when He told me to wait, to be patient, and to let Dillon pursue me. I had grown so much by the time that we started dating, not only from the process of waiting for Dillon but also in general from everything else going on in my life.

I had worked through so many of my own issues and trauma, and that prepared me to be a much better girlfriend to Dillon. We still had to work through a lot of that throughout our relationship, but I can only imagine what it would have been like if I hadn’t been forced to wait for a year. God was so intentional and so purposeful throughout the whole process of my friendship with Dillon, looking back I see God’s hand in so much of our relationship.

I had so much time to grow in my relationship with God during that year of waiting. My intimacy with Him and my faith were strengthened in a way I never could have imagined. Coming to the knowledge of the sweetness of the Lord and being close to Him was by far the best lesson I learned in the waiting.

If you are in a season of waiting, I would challenge you to not just wait without purpose. God wants to do something in you as you wait; God wants to grow, refine, and sanctify you as you wait. Sometimes, the thing we are waiting for isn’t the actual purpose of the waiting. Sometimes, the journey of surrendering our desires to God and trusting that He will give us all we need in the waiting—that is the true reward. The reward is the way our faith is built up and the way our connection with God and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit becomes stronger.

Whether you are single and waiting for a partner, married and waiting to get pregnant, or whatever else you might be waiting for in the season you are in, allow God to do something in the waiting. Be willing to submit your deepest desires to the Lord and He will give you everything you need, He may even change your desires along the way.

I hope you enjoyed reading about the first part of Dillon and I’s story and one of my biggest seasons of waiting. After Dillon and I started dating, there was so much more that God did. He was so good and so present in our dating relationship—and that is a story I will tell soon. Thanks for showing up,

-Elena ❤