For the past 6 months, I feel like every time someone has asked me, “How is life?” or, “What’s been going on in your life?” I feel like I have nothing circumstantially to update people on. I don’t have any major life events or super exciting things to share. I almost started feeling bad about it, like my life was boring. But, God revealed something to me. It’s okay if nothing super eventful is happening in your life, maybe what God is doing in your life is internal and spiritual. It may not look flashy, but it is life changing.
Truly, what God has been doing in my life may not be noticeable by looking at me or even by looking at my life. But if you were able to look inside my heart, you would see a difference.
My life has changed pretty drastically since last summer. I shared some of the changes going on in one of my most recent posts, “Life Lately- Being Faithful in the Mundane.” I was working at a college ministry full time and life was busy. It was such a sweet and fruitful season of my life to be able to invest in college students, in discipling young women, in sharing the gospel with unbelieving students, and in running toward Christ alongside other young believers. God truly changed me and my heart while I worked in that ministry and I am incredibly grateful that He allowed me to experience all that I did there.
In the midst of working at this ministry and completely loving it, I felt God putting it on my heart to pray about the future and the possibility of leaving my position. It was hard for me because I so enjoyed my job and God had done so much through it. I was sad to think about leaving and not being involved in the lives of the students who I had built deep connections with. But, I prayed over it.
I prayed for about 5 months and I felt like God had given me His answer: It’s time to leave and start a new season of life. I was very sad to leave, and it was hard– but I had so much peace knowing that this was God’s will and I was following His plan. After leaving, I struggled with my change in schedule and how much more time I had. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and all this new time in my day forced me to deal with deeper issues. I started struggling with so many things internally. I was facing a lot of discouragement and even feeling depression creeping in. The Lord has really delivered me from depression and anxiety, things that used to plague my life and drag me down. Feeling that anxiety and depression coming up again felt like I was taking 100 steps backward. Along with those things, the discouragement I was feeling was heavy. I was facing struggles of identity, I was fighting against rest, I was feeling lonely and isolated, I was feeling purposeless, and I was not trusting God and was instead trying to take control into my own hands.
I realized that this was a spiritual attack. Many of the thoughts coming up in my head were lies from Satan or my own flesh and they were designed to make me doubt God and His plan for my life. Satan wants us to stop trusting God. When we don’t trust God, we don’t obey Him. This was a large part of what was going on. I was battling this discouragement and the lies for about a month, but after a couple of weeks of heavily battling this discouragement, I opened up to my house church and shared what I was feeling. I didn’t share all the specifics, but I shared some. I had to get vulnerable and lay my heart out for all to see, which is difficult for me. It’s something the Lord has really grown me in but it is still very hard.
I actually didn’t realize just how much I was struggling until I started sharing with my church family. Right after I started talking, the tears started flowing. As I opened up, people started comforting and encouraging me. They prayed over me and spoke truth and life over me. I felt so thankful for my church family and thankful that God convicted my heart to open up to them, but I was still battling the discouragement and depression. After that, the Lord just kept putting it on my heart to share with more people what I was facing and I started opening up more to God and processing my feelings and thoughts with Him. The more I shared and the more people prayed over me, the better I felt.
A couple weeks after I initially shared at church, I was back at church and my pastor asked the group– “Is anyone here feeling discouraged? I feel like God wants us to pray for those who are discouraged.” I knew I was still struggling a lot and felt like I’d be lying if I didn’t raise my hand. But at the same time, I felt bad raising my hand because I had already asked for prayer about discouragement a couple of weeks ago. I pushed through the insecurity and I raised my hand. And low and behold, I was the only person in the room raising their hand. I can’t remember if I spoke again, I think everyone just started praying over me. After people had prayed, they started sharing with me what they felt like God wanted to say to me.
One by one, my church family shared words that were so specific to what I was struggling with, much of which I hadn’t even talked to them about. The Lord spoke so specifically into the lies I was believing and the fears I was facing. I want to share some of the things that people spoke over me and the things God revealed to me as I prayed over what they shared. Hopefully, some of these things can be an encouragement to you as well and can speak into your life.
Specific Truths Shared with Me:
Identity
- You are precious and God has good plans for you.
- Psalm 103:11-13 (middle, three images): “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.”
- God has a deep love and affection for me.
Anxiety
- Matthew 6:33-34: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
- Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Discontent/Purposeless
- You are in a season of waiting, God wants you to focus on contentment.
- Psalm 127 (WAIT. This word was about Dillon and I having kids and trusting God’s timing). “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves. Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”
Idolatry/Distraction/Spiritual Warfare
- Satan wants to discourage and distract me.
- Focus on the Lord, wait on the Lord.
- Let go and trust God.
- Isaiah 19:1: (spiritual attack, Jesus will set me free) “A prophecy against Egypt: See, the Lord rides on a swift cloud and is coming to Egypt. The idols of Egypt tremble before him, and the hearts of the Egyptians melt with fear.”
- You are a “Battle-born child of the King, walk in authority.”
- KNEEL (and be okay in silence).
- Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
- Rest in the Lord.
My Takeaways:
Identity
- My identity is in Christ and not in my works. God can use me as a vessel but I need to be careful not to idolize being a vessel or to put my worth in how God uses me. God loves me for who He created me to be, not just because of what I do.
- How humbling that God looks forward to spending time with me! How could I possibly neglect Him?
- God has given me freedom from depression and anxiety and I need to declare and proclaim that freedom and victory over myself.
- I need to remember and recall all that God has done in my life and how far He has brought me.
Anxiety and Discontent/Purposeless
- God has affirmed He wants me to rest, wants me to invest deeply in my time with Him, spend time with Him in the mornings, and He wants me to build up my health and healing and let this be a season of preparation for what He has next. God is confirming also that He is preparing us to have kids.
- I need to pursue health and healing in this season as I am waiting.
Idolatry/Distraction/Spiritual Warfare
- This does seem to be a spiritual attack from the enemy- I need to “armor up” and seek God/ spend time with my church community.
- I need to sit in silence with God and let Him speak.
Time of Prayer and Meditation Afterward:
Identity
- God’s love and forgiveness for me is great.
- God wants me to remember that I am precious in His sight.
- God has healed me from PTSD.
- God has healed me from anxiety and panic attacks.
- God has healed me from flashbacks, triggers, and nightmares.
- God has healed my body from effects of sexual abuse.
- God has given me freedom from my own sin and from the sin that was done against me.
- I am completely free in Christ.
- I am completely new in Christ.
- God tells me who I am and He defines me.
- God is fighting on my behalf.
- I am a battle-born child of the King.
Anxiety
- God is my Shepherd. He will give me refreshment, He will guide me on the right path.
- God has plans to prosper me, give me a hope and a future- not to harm me.
Discontent/Purposeless
- Children are a blessing.
- God has brought me into a season of waiting- the waiting seems to be for a baby. He wants me to be content in this season, long before I receive what I am waiting for.
- In this season, God wants me to wait on him and focus on the Lord, not on my object of wait.
Idolatry/Distraction/Spiritual Warfare
- Idols tremble before God.
- Seek God above all else.
- Be still and trust God.
- Satan wants to discourage and distract me. God wants to encourage me and fill my cup to overflowing. God has so much good planned for me in this season and He doesn’t want me to miss out on a single drop of that goodness.
- God wants me to let go, stop trying to understand/control –and just trust in Him.
- There is a spiritual attack at play here and God wants me to armor up and walk in authority, and remember that Jesus has set me free and will set me free. Exodus 14:14 “I will fight for you, you need only to be still.” Jesus will win the battle, but I still need to armor up and speak truth.
- God wants me to kneel before Him.
- God wants me to surrender to Him.
- God wants me to sit in silence before Him/with Him.
- God wants me to be still. To be still and know that He is God.
- God wants me to rest in Him/with Him.
I wanted to share this post for several reasons. I want others who are in a mundane season of life to also be able to embrace it. God has good things for every season of our lives, if we will lean in and let Him work. Maybe the work God is doing in your life is internal and spiritual and you need to be okay with that. Maybe it’s not super noticeable to those around you, that’s okay. It is still meaningful and probably more impactful than you realize. Slowing down and living a more “boring” life is the opposite of what our culture pushes for. But God often asks us to slow down.
Another reason I wanted to share this was to highlight the need for community in our lives. It can be so easy to isolate and to shy away from being vulnerable, but God moves mountains when we step into community and shine a light on the darkness in our lives. If you are struggling with discouragement or feeling depressed, you probably need to be around your community more and be open with them. I am continually amazed at how much God has used my church family in my life and I feel so incredibly thankful for their influence in my life.
Another message to remind you of is that many of the things we are facing are much more spiritual than we realize. If you are facing suffering, difficulty, trials, whatever that looks like in your life, I would encourage you to try to see the spiritual elements at play. You may think it’s just life, but life is a spiritual battle. For the follow of Jesus, we must bring everything in our lives before God in prayer and we should be sharing our lives with our church community as well so they can pray with us.
Another thing I wanted to share is just how much God cares for you. His love is unconditional. The fact that God revealed things about me to my community so that they could speak into my life is truly humbling. God gave some of them words to share with me that had to have been from Him, because I hadn’t shared those things with them. And many of the things people shared just highlighted how much God cares for me. God has a deep love and affection for you– This is such a basic and foundational principle of being a follower of Jesus, and yet it is so easy to forget. Maybe you need to remind yourself of that truth as much as I needed to be reminded.
Lastly, I thought it would be good to share some of what’s been going on in my life. Like I wrote earlier, there is nothing huge happening in my life circumstantially, but I can see how God is transforming me and changing my heart. I hope that this blog post encourages you and helps you refocus on the deeper spiritual battle in our lives. Thanks for showing up,
-Elena ❤
Rejoicing in Truth 