Though I didn’t always understand what it was, I have struggled with depression for a lot of my life. There are seasons of life where I feel like I am drowning in depression and there are seasons of life where I don’t feel like it is an issue. Especially in the past 5 years, my life has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows with months that were good and months that weren’t so good.
I have been opening up on this blog about things I have been through in the past and that is scary and hard, but what is even scarier and harder is sharing what I am currently going through. When I look back on something with hindsight, I see the ways God was working and moving and I see how I changed and grew from it. But when things are still actively unfolding, I don’t always see how God is moving and how I am growing.
Since I am going through this currently, my perspective could be informed by my feelings. I worked really hard on making sure I was careful and intentional in this post. It is also worth mentioning that everything I share in this is from my own experience and research and may not accurately depict other people’s experiences. So, as you read, keep all of that in mind.
I know I am supposed to be writing about my life and sharing with you the things that God has taught me. But even in the short time I have been doing this, I have struggled to be consistent and at times, I struggle to even want to write. This is partly because I have been struggling with depression over the last few months, and I feel very ill-equipped to be trying to help or encourage others.
As I have been thinking about this stuff over the last few weeks, I knew that God was asking me to be honest. I don’t want to act as if everything I have been through stays in the past and I am totally better now, I am deeply impacted every day by the things that have happened in my life.
This post may be a little bold and opinionated, possibly even a little controversial. When it comes to depression, people tend to have strong beliefs, but these are my beliefs and I feel that I should express them, even if I risk some discomfort for me or for my readers. Depression is a sensitive topic, so I wrote this as delicately as I could while still expressing my own views.
I think that Christians and the church as a whole can be critical of believers who struggle with depression. There has been more and more talk in churches and among Christians about mental health, and I do think that some progress is being made. I am thankful for people who are advocates and bring awareness to the reality of mental health struggles and how common they are. However, I believe there is still a long way to go for people in the church to feel safe to talk honestly about their struggles with mental health, whether that is depression, anxiety, bipolar, PTSD—whatever it might be.
I think that there needs to be more compassion and understanding amongst believers when depression is addressed instead of judgment, scolding, or condemnation. Living in this world is hard, and the people around you have probably gone through so many things that you know nothing about. When someone brings up struggling with depression, the last thing you should do is judge them or condemn them for that.
There are many types of depression, but I am just going to talk about a couple. One type is chemical depression, which is caused by having a chemical imbalance in your brain. Another type is circumstantial (or situational) depression, which happens as a result of the things going on in your life, like the death of a family member or something big that greatly impacts your wellbeing.
A notable factor in what can cause depression is family history, your genetics have a big impact on the likelihood of you experiencing depression. Another thing that will drastically increase your chances of experiencing depression is going through a traumatic event or experiencing abuse.
I believe that experiencing depression as a Christian is a very real thing, and whether you are chemically or circumstantially depressed, that doesn’t mean you are not following Jesus. We are called to fight the good fight against our flesh and the tendency to hyperfocus on our feelings and thoughts, however, we are still human. Jesus knows what it is like to experience extreme pain and sadness as a human, He knows what it is like to weep, and He knows what it is like to ask God if He can spare you from something that feels too hopeless and difficult. But Jesus chose to continue in obedience no matter how He felt, which we are called to do as well.
Just like anything else we struggle with, depression is something we should seek help and healing for, something we should talk to God about and ask Him for guidance on. I don’t believe that God wants any of His children to willfully go through depression and just lay down and take it. Of course, we should seek breakthroughs and change, but that is not always something that comes fast or is even guaranteed.
There is some dispute about whether or not depression is something you can control. Oftentimes, people experience depression because of things outside of their control. If you have a chemical imbalance, depression runs in your family, you have been through a traumatic event or abuse, all of those are things that you cannot change. Even circumstantial depression is often not your fault, a lot of the time the big events that trigger this type of depression are life events that have nothing to do with your own choices. There are times when someone’s own sin leads them into depression, but sometimes events that trigger depression are caused by things we cannot control.
Of course, God has complete power over everything, including depression, so He could certainly heal you from it and take it away completely, but He may not choose to do that. We can and should ask for healing and pray earnestly for it, but we ultimately must trust God to do what is best in His eyes, which might not mean that you will be healed or that depression won’t be a common struggle in your life.
In 2 Corinthians 12: 7, Paul talks about the thorn in his side that is there to remind him of his need for God and his dependence on Him. We do not know what he was referring to when he mentioned the thorn, but it is possible that in your life the thorn in your side is depression, if that is what is necessary for your growth and your ability to focus on and depend on God.
A lot of people are oblivious to how depression works. Depression isn’t a mood or just an emotion. Most if not all people do not choose depression, it is something they are forced to face. It is a deep and dark experience where reality, feelings, and thoughts become twisted. There are different levels to depression, sometimes it is more manageable and other times it is debilitating. There are many ways that depression affects your daily life, which complicates even simple things.
Common symptoms of depression are anxiety, apathy, hopelessness, loss of interest in or passion about things you normally enjoy, mood swings, sadness, irritability, lack of motivation, social isolation, trouble sleeping, fatigue, obsessive thoughts, or suicidal thoughts.
These symptoms vary in people who struggle with depression but one thing that is very common among people who experience it is that it can come out of nowhere. One day you will be feeling pretty good, and the next you will feel utterly hopeless. Sometimes you have the power to choose to do things even when you lack motivation or passion, other times you completely shut down to a point of not being able to function anymore.
The symptoms I experience most frequently are fatigue, anxiety, hopelessness, lack of motivation, sadness, and social isolation. The effects of depression can change a lot through different upswings and downswings. Sometimes I struggle more with extreme sadness and hopelessness, while other times I am just very fatigued and disconnected from the people and things in my life. Depression can affect people in very different ways, it doesn’t all look the same.
Depression can certainly be an attack by the enemy, sometimes it is 100% a battle of the Spirit. There are times when God helps us to move past the lies and the chains of depression instead of falling deeper into it, and there are times when we don’t allow God to help us. Even though depression can be 100% spiritual, it is not always 100% spiritual. As I have mentioned before, it can be caused simply by the chemical makeup of your brain, and sometimes it is caused by trauma that has greatly impacted the function of your brain and body. I would argue that not all depression is a spiritual battle.
My point here is this: depression is a complex monster that cannot be placed into a simple box. God doesn’t promise that we won’t experience pain and suffering if we follow Him. When we trust and follow God, He gives us strength and hope, but we still go through hard things and struggle in this world. He doesn’t offer a solution to all of our earthly problems because they are already temporary and will soon fade away, depression included.
I am not trying to say that depression is inevitable, and you shouldn’t put any effort into getting better—depression can be helped, healed, or treated so that it is manageable or even ended. There are so many ways that we can treat and manage depression and God has given us lots of tools to help us, and of course, we should use them to the best of our abilities.
Things like seeing a therapist, taking medicine, finding healthy coping mechanisms, having a community that supports and encourages you, exercising, and so many other things are given to us by God to help us. Even though it probably won’t just instantly end the depression in your life, reading God’s word and going to Him in prayer are the most powerful weapons against the lies of the enemy and the grip of depression.
Another point I would like to make is that even though depression is a legitimate and valid struggle—it is not a personality trait. Depression is not who you are, and it is not something that you should attach to your identity. Even though you are experiencing depression, or you have been struggling with depression—you are not it and you don’t own it. You are a child of God, full of life, joy, peace, and light. You are so much more than just depressed.
Even if you are dealing with depression or have been for years, there is so much more to you than that, and God has so much more planned for you than that struggle. Even when we are depressed and feeling hopeless, God is faithful to help us with all of our struggles and He helps us in our weakness. There is always hope and so much good that God has planned—don’t be disheartened.
I’m not 100% sure what I have been trying to express here, but I think I just want to keep this topic of conversation on the table among believers. Let’s be open to talking about the hard and uncomfortable things and be willing to help each other even when we don’t personally understand one another’s struggles.
When someone opens up about their own mental health struggles, don’t shut them down or invalidate them; listen to them, try to understand them, and have compassion for them. If you don’t know what it’s like to be depressed (well, first off good for you, what a blessing!), ask that person what their experience is and ask them how you can support them and pray for them. All this goes for any struggle someone comes to you with; listen, seek to understand, be compassionate, support them, and pray for them.
So, I have been struggling with depression. It is hard, it is exhausting, and it can be overwhelming at times. That is the truth, this is me being honest. But you know what else has been happening alongside this depression and brokenness? So much beauty and growth and good gifts from God. Just because I am struggling with depression, or just because you are struggling with it, doesn’t mean that we can’t also live our lives abundantly and do it for the Lord.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We are made in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27). We have been set free from sin and made new in Christ (Romans 6:18, Romans 8:2)(2 Corinthians 5:17). We have the Holy Spirit living inside of us (1 Corinthians 3:16, 1 Corinthians 6:19). We are seen as holy and blameless, pure and clean (Colossians 1:22)(1 John 1:9,1 John 1:7, Hebrews 10:22). We are governed by the Spirit and not the flesh (Romans 8:9, 14). We cannot be separated from God’s love (Romans 8:38-39). These are just a few of the truths in God’s word and they are all still true for believers whether you are struggling with depression or not, whatever you are going through—God’s word remains, and He doesn’t change. We can have joy, hope, and purpose through Him.
For the believers who have gone through depression or are currently dealing with it, I hope this post is an encouragement to you and I pray that God will sustain you through this hard time. For the believers who have never experienced depression before, I praise God that you haven’t, and I pray that you don’t have to. I also hope that this post can shine a little light on what depression is like, help you to understand it better, and show you how you can handle talking with people who are dealing with it. Thanks for showing up,
-Elena ❤
Rejoicing in Truth 