Boasting in Our Weakness

Writing is something I have loved ever since I was a kid. I used to spend hours in our basement on our old Mac desktop writing stories. I kept journals that I would write in almost every day, and I wrote countless notes and letters to family members, friends, and teachers. I just loved to write.

My favorite class before college was a writing class I took in middle school, and once I got to college my favorite classes were always the creative writing ones. All of my friends had so many tests and quizzes during midterms and finals, but I had research papers, short stories, or mini chapbooks (books of poetry), which meant hours and hours of writing. But that’s what I preferred.

During all of these creative writing classes, I realized just how passionate I was about writing, and I got this desire to write books and start a blog someday.

I had a friend who was starting a blog about a year and a half ago, and every time she talked about it, I felt so much excitement. Not only was I excited for her and her journey, but also because I just knew I would do that someday. It’s funny too, because every time someone said, “why don’t you just start a blog,” I said, “because everybody does that” and dismissed the idea, but a huge part of me knew I wanted to do it.

I disqualified myself from doing a blog because I didn’t want to do something that so many others were doing, especially because I felt like I wasn’t special enough to have people want to read what I have to say. I felt like it would be pointless, or I wouldn’t be good at it, or it would be too overwhelming, and the list of fears goes on. With all the insecurities and fears I had, the biggest thing that held me back was timing—waiting for just the right time to do the thing.

My whole life, doing something with this passion for writing was a someday thing. I wonder how many of us have had “someday” dreams for years and years, just waiting for a magical time when everything falls into place and the stars align. Stepping forward in faith is a scary thing, but God does amazing things when we are willing to follow Him even though we are scared and even when it doesn’t exactly feel like perfect timing.

The only perfect timing is God’s timing, and honestly, God’s timing is rarely convenient for us. He either asks us to wait much longer than we had hoped, or He opens doors unexpectedly, at a time when we don’t feel ready.

I started working on this blog in 2020, but there were so many different things going on in my life that I just told myself it wasn’t a good time. I felt like I needed to be further along in my healing and further removed from some personal things I was working through. I didn’t touch this blog site for almost a year, then I just felt this urge to pick it back up this fall.

I questioned God’s urgings about making any posts on the site, but I did start preparing for it. As I stepped further into this process, I just felt like God was telling me it was time. I was not on board right away, I felt like such a mess. It just didn’t quite make sense to me that this would be the time to start. But God is always willing and ready to use our messiness, in fact, I think He prefers it.

This process has reminded me of a passage in the Bible that I’d like to share with you. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

That verse truly sums up this blog for me. The only way I am able to do this is through God’s grace and His power. In my own strength, I would just fail miserably at all of this. Sharing this stuff with you is not easy for me, it can be very scary, but this isn’t about me. It’s about what God has done in my life and what I believe He can do in yours. So, just like the verse says, I declare the hardest and worst things about me and my life; the hardships, the difficulties, and my own weakness, because God displays His strength through those things. I am weak, but because of Him, I am strong.

Please, make sure you don’t spend your whole life waiting for fear to leave before you can step out in faith. Faith is all about choosing to believe God no matter how you feel or how uncertain things are. Oftentimes, fear walks hand in hand with faith, trying to crush it and stop you from exercising your faith. But if we are willing to follow God’s leading, our fear and our weakness are replaced with God’s confidence and His strength.

Whatever it is that lights up your eyes and brings a smile to your face, that thing that makes you excited and nervous and happy just thinking about it—pray about it, go do it, or at least start making plans for it. If you feel ill-equipped, God will equip you as you step forward, and if you feel weak—good, God will display His strength in you.

There are obviously times where the timing isn’t right, and God closes doors and asks you to wait. If that’s the case, of course you should be obedient. Just don’t let fear or insecurities or apathy be the reason you don’t pursue something.

When we have hopes, dreams, and passions, we tend to make our own plans and try to equip ourselves and carry those things out in our own strength. But hopes, dreams, and passions that are worthwhile are ordained by God and sovereignly planned out for us, we don’t have to worry about messing them up.

It should be supremely comforting to us that God has already organized the fruition of every dream and passion that is worthwhile. We don’t have to worry if our passion will be wasted or never see the light of day because God will do what He wants to with the gifts that really matter.

God gives each of us specific gifts, talents, and skills for us to go out and do something with. I’m not saying that your gift or passion has to be something that you share with hundreds of people, it could just be something that brings you joy and fills up your heart. It could affect just you, just a few close friends and family members, or it is possible that it could reach many people. If God has placed a passion in your heart, it is there for a reason.

Like I said, I had a lot of fear and a lot of insecurities when I even thought about pursuing writing, and honestly, those things have tried to creep back in even in the short time I have been doing this blog.

When people tell me they read my post or that someone they know read it, my immediate response is excitement but if I am honest, fear follows shortly after. I start to overthink every word I wrote and wonder if people really enjoyed reading it and if it really made an impact. Or I remember the fact that I have openly talked about being abused and that more people know that about me now, which leaves me feeling very vulnerable.

There are so many thoughts that crowd my mind in this process and before I know it, I am doubting what I am doing. But even though I have fears and this can be uncomfortable at times, I am not going to stop until God says to. I feel confident that this is what God has asked me to do, so even if I don’t know what that looks like, that’s okay because God does. I am not going to do this perfectly and it might look nothing like I expect it to, but I can be assured that I am walking in obedience to God.

Following God can be scary and doing things you are passionate about can be scary. But how awesome is it to see God glorified and magnified through our lives? How amazing is it that God uses the worst, ugliest, and weakest things and He makes them the best, most beautiful, strongest testimonies of who He is and how good He is? If God can do that by us stepping out in obedience to Him, then it is well worth it.

God will strengthen even the weakest parts of you. His grace is sufficient. If you are anxious or scared to do what He is asking, that’s okay, just don’t let it stop you. We’re not perfect, but God can use us in mighty ways if we have faith in Him and lean on His strength.

I hope this encourages you to be bold in your faith and to be confident in God’s strength. I know that God has a plan for you and a plan for your giftings and passions, you just have to seek His guidance as you pursue those things, and He will bless that.

Thank God that He is so gracious that He chooses to use us despite all our flaws, and thank God even when we are weak, He is strong. Thanks for showing up,

-Elena ❤